I Gave it up for the Theatre...

What would you sacrifice for theatre?

This is my first journal assignment for my acting class, and boy, has it been a little uncomfortable to think about. I think as theatre-babies we all love to think/talk about how much we love our art, how passionate we are. But thinking about what we give up isn't a place we enjoy visiting.

If you had asked me this question a few months ago I would have said, "Oh, easy!" and blurted out a list of things I have told myself that I cannot have because I am an actor:

• Someone to love
• A real relationship
• A potential family

Now we can get into all the psychological hoo-ha behind these things, but in reality I thought "Who would want to be with someone that is living  life in such an unstable manner?" There are no guarantees in this career; no one is obligated to cast you, you don't necessarily know the right people, and there may be a span of months in which you can't find work. It's a crazy life! So instead I convinced myself that I simply didn't want these things (and let's be honest, I'm not that crazy about kids anyway). So, that was it, done deal, doors closed! 

Until you realize that you can't lock away your heart that easily. So maybe things change, maybe what I told myself I must sacrifice isn't really what I need to sacrifice. So what else am I giving up? 

Three years ago I made the decision to major in theatre, despite all the shouts that I needed a "real job," was "wasting my intelligence" and that I would simply "end up a stripper," because that's what happens to cute girls who try to become actresses. And why did I make this huge life decision? 

I decided my happiness was more important than monetary stability.

I have given up hopes of a luxurious lifestyle; I have made the decision that it is more important to pursue something I love. Will I struggle at times with the rent payment? Probably. Will I have to ration a box of rice to feed myself for a week? Probably. Will I run out of money to fill my gas tank? Probably. And do you know what, I chose to make that sacrifice. Money is not everything. And in my four years as a poor college student, I find that the necessary income somehow always shows up. 

Then there's my family, currently over 1,500 miles away, and I'm the one that put this distance between us. Why? For theatre. Crazy, right? But I had to do it, I had to consciously make the decision to move away from them in order to become a better actor. I'm giving up fights and make-ups with my sister, coffee-mornings with my mom, wedgies from my brother, awkward conversations with my dad, and snuggles from my cat. All the little things that make us love each other. 

I hope they understand. 

And can we talk about all the little things? When you get cast in a show your body is no longer your own, it belongs to the production team. I am giving up the ability to chop off all my hair on a whim, a normal sleeping schedule, weekends out with friends (hell, anytime with anyone outside the theater), the option to eat whatever I want, rock climbing or skydiving or anything that risks a broken bone, family vacations, and on and on...

 

Sometimes all of this sounds a little terrible, and non-theatre people are thinking "OMG I'm not skipping that family vacation to Hawaii in order to be in some summer-stock production!"  And we've all spent Christmas break avoiding the dessert table in order to fit into our costumes. Then there's that inevitable friendship that dies because they didn't understand, "Sorry, I'm in rehearsal..." 

But there is a reason why we compromise, a purpose behind every sacrifice!

I cannot fathom any other choice. Theatre is my art, and without it I'm not me. It's this bizarre life-blood that beats throughout the veins and arteries of anyone that is fortunate enough to fall in love with it. It infests you; changing your cells and morphing you in a way that you can't recover from. It is humanity and earth, enveloping and changing all that it touches. It is me and you and everyone and everything in-between...

This passion is indescribable. 

So here we are, the crazy-theatre-humans, gladly making the sacrifices, because we can't do anything else. I can't do anything else. We're in love with this art form and always will be. And that's just how it is. 

...and I'm so grateful that's how it is.

But Where are all the Bunnies?!

Things are feeling really great right now; I'm making new friends, I'm getting things prepared, I'm learning where everything is on campus, and actually feeling like I can be successful.

Whoot! I'm not gonna fail at Grad School!

On the other hand, there are some really strange things. Like the bugs. The very loud bugs (that I thought were locusts but I have been corrected, they're cicadas or some other strange name that begins with a 'C.' Either way, they're still icky and creepy and hiding...). These loud bugs like to keep me awake at night. Where are all the city sounds that I miss so much?!

Also, I've had quite the string of bad luck. Seriously, I've been told that Sagittariuses are suppose to have amazing luck, but I think my friend Ally Berry stole it all from me in some weird "cosmic-powers" way since she and I share the same birthday. And that is not a very kind thing to do. Ally Berry, I want my Sagittarius luck back!

I'm making lots of new friends. Like these guys. They were really chill; a little stiff, not necessarily the most fashionable, but they were great conversationalists.

And there are so many squirrels on campus! I love them! I walk by and they'll be chewing on some nuts or running up some trees, just swishing their tails. I've seen a few chipmunks too, and they are equally adorable. However, I am highly disappointed that I haven't seen any of the bunnies! My fellow MFA Actors keep chatting about all the amazing bunnies that they see just bopping around campus. My inner hippie just wants to hang out with a few bunnies, and I don't think that's too much to ask.

No matter how much I love the squirrels though, I love my fellow actors more (ok, it could be a tie...). It's been so nice to meet new people and I'm loving getting to know everyone. Today we performed monologues in front of each other for the first time. I'm around some incredibly talented people and I can't wait to see what our creative energies make together.

I've also experienced some incredible support from back home. My sister and brother-in-law (whom I will now just refer to as my brother, because I hate this "in-law" formality stuff) have been wonderful in making sure that I get the mail that I need and that my adorable kitty doesn't die. Jordan has also been great about sending me pictures of little Buttercup, since I miss her adorable face like crazy. I mean, you would miss her too, just look at her!

Mom and Dad have been a great support as well. They stocked up the fridge and moved me here and helped me out with a car, not to mention the whole "giving me life" situation. Yeah, that was pretty cool of them. They are the greatest parents.

And then there's Racket, who I couldn't do this without! I mean, really, how many guys would take a nap with you on FaceTime and be completely cool with it? He's allowed me to freak out, stress out, and cry a little, and somehow I haven't scared him away yet. His wit and charm leave me feeling energized and powerful; I couldn't think of a better way to start and end my day. All smiles on my end!

Life is wonderful so far. This week has been packed with paperwork and meetings, long and boring orientations, but I start classes on Monday and really get into the juicy-bits. I'm excited and ready to learn, that's about all I can ask for.

Life Lessons from West Lafayette

Well, my darling little mother wanted me to start a blog, so here it is:

Life in a One Bedroom Apartment.

I'm new to this blogging thing (somehow my mom always seems to one-up me on the technology front), so we'll see how this goes. I have ventured off to Indiana to start a new chapter of my life; I'm living on my own, starting Grad School, and learning all about a new city. Here's what I have learned so far:

Indiana hates my hair. Really, the humidity here hates my hair.

Water boils faster than it did in Utah.

My skin does not adjust well to new places. Hello, Kelsie's zit face! I'll be looking stunning for my orientation week at Purdue!

The bugs here are big. There are also locusts that live everywhere. Now, I have not actually seen one of these little buggies, they hide very well, but you can hear them all the time. They lurk in the trees or the bushes or in the trailer court next door...who knows...

Command Strips don't adhere to the walls as well as they did in Utah. Again, I blame this on the humidity.

Nike shorts and tennis shoes seem to be the hip fashion here. And T-shirts. So, there's that...

Don't ever try to buy a used car in Lafayette. Seriously, the prices are ridiculous! I ended up leasing an adorable little Chevey Cruze (his name is Ishmael) instead of buying a used one. I feel safer with this decision, I won't have to worry about being stranded in a broken-down used car somewhere, but financially it is still more money than I would have preferred. Anyway, buy cars in Salt Lake, that's the lesson here!

There are a lot of cornfields. And soybean fields. And more cornfields.

There are so many windmills! And I love them! It is such a beautiful experience to drive right next to a massive windmill. It's the closest substitution that I've found to my mountains.

Drinks condensate WAY more. Seriously, I'm not sure if I'm suppose to take a sip of my drink or just lick the cup.

I'm really glad that I'm bendy. It seems to be a necessary skill when trying to shave your legs in a tiny shower.

I like living on my own, mostly because the clothing situation is negotiable. I enjoy walking around in my underwear. Clothes are overrated. Let's be naked.

The Orange Chicken at Panda Express tastes different. Also, McDonald's doesn't have the hot n' spicy chicken sandwich. Bummer...

I really like stained-glass windows. There are some gorgeous windows in the Union Building on campus.

If you get stranded in Michigan City there's a super random casino, The Blue Chip, that you can hang out in.

Chicago. Oh, Chicago! It's only two hours away and it is wonderful. I'll definitely be spending weekends there. I'm a city girl through and through.

I am amazing and strong and capable of brilliant things.

So here's to a grand new adventure! I can only begin to fathom all the things I will learn, the emotions I will experience, the people I will meet. I am so grateful for everyone that has helped me reach this moment, those whom have supported me, guided me, loved me, and befriended me. I take pieces of you with me. I hope to keep this blog updated with the stories of my life here, because so many of you have made this moment possible and I feel like you are a part of my journey!

All my love,
Kelsie