A Year, a Year, Oh! What a Year!

I just finished entering grades for my classes, which means:

GRADUATE SCHOOL, YEAR ONE, COMPLETE!

So I sit here, alone at my desk in this little office that I share with five of the craziest individuals I have ever met, and I almost feel numb. Why? Because this has been a whirlwind of a year. People tell you that grad school is difficult, but honestly, I was not prepared for the shock of a year I would experience here. Good, bad, tears, screams, giggles, falling through stages, all of it has happened, and it's really bizarre.

Here is my year:

• Moved to Indiana, a 24 hour drive from my home in Utah. A fresh start and exciting adventure, a disappointment when I realized that my apartment was surrounded by corn, soybeans, and a trailer park. The flattest land, the most miserable winter, and forever-grey skies. 

• Lived in my first solo-apartment and loved it! Living on my own was wonderful (even though I did miss having 2:00 A.M. chats with Kelsey) and I loved having my personal space.
• The maggot incident under the sink. 
• Got a new car, named Ishmael, but I kept Butt Mervee's licence plate on my wall as a memento. 
• Making new friends. My five office-chums as well as the directors and designers and a handful of under-grads. I have fallen in a vicious-love with all these people. We drive each other crazy and we help each other out. Mostly, when I reflect on these people I just feel confused. 

• Getting to work out at the nicest gym facility I have ever seen. Seriously. 
• Getting to teach for the first time. Getting those "Dear Professor Slaugh" e-mails was amusing and shocking. 
• The "Statue Friend" saga. 

• Intense classes. What we all refer to as "hell week." No, this is not the typical theatre tech. week, this was the week in which we all cried in EVERY SINGLE ONE of our classes. I have never experienced such intense emotional work in my life. I went deep, and it was both scary and freeing. Mostly scary. But I'm better because of it.

• Conchita and Elizabeth. 

• Learning the layout of a new grocery store (don't underestimate the significance of this, it's tough shit). 
• Missing my Buttercup more than I can explain.
• Realizing I am the worst at memorizing lines. Kelsie Slaugh: Queen of Paraphrasing. Boo.  
• A school shooting. Being the teacher to a room full of confused students. Getting to make a difference.
• Exploring parks and investigating houses with my lover.
• Eating way too much strawberry gelato at Grey House.

• A break-down, hospital stay, and depression diagnosis.
• Almost quitting but deciding not to give up on myself, forging ahead, rebuilding myself, and believing in my art. 
• Falling in love. 

• Growing science experiments in a variety of cups. Dish-washing in the bathroom is not very appealing to me...
• Becoming addicted to coffee.
• Deciding to spend the rest of my life with Rich. 
• Watching the never-ending winter begin to disappear. Seeing the first blue-skies that I have seen in months and smelling Spring air. Suddenly Indiana doesn't seem so bad. 

I have grown more in this year away from home then I thought was humanly possible. I have morphed into a new person and it's quite alarming. I went through a lot of really bad and scary shit, but I also found some deeply hidden beauty inside myself. I needed to experience it all, the longing, the loss, the desperation in order to be who I am. Each day is a struggle, but in the best possible way. I'm growing, and that's all I can do!

xoxo,

Kelsie